What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
