you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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