he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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