I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
