speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
