I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
