Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there's paper in my vomit.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
