Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
