My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
