8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
