If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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