she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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