This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You are a genius and a whore.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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