Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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