i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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