the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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