I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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