I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
