Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize