I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
