You're my little dorito
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
