The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
