i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
