So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
