Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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