i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
