why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
