Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
