i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
