We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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