you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
