It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
