I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
