I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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