I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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