I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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