I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
