32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
