Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
