Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
