Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
