TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
