Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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