If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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