Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
