Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
