Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
