Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
