I just threw up on my dentist
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
