I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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