If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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