lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
