I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
