The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
