I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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