the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
