Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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