then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
