I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
