FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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