THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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