There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
