Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
